I have this problem. I am unintentionally starving myself. I say unintentionally because if there was food in front of me, I would very much eat it, but yet at the same time, I can't get myself to go down to the kitchen and get a snack. The reason for this is not laziness, but rather a sense of fear, or I'm not sure that is the right word. I believe I can't go down to the kitchen and get food because I feel like it would be rude of me. This has been an issue I've been dealing with for three years since my dad got remarried and we moved into a new home.
You see, our kitchen is connected to the living room, so almost always there is someone down there. I just feel like it is rude of me to get something to eat while someone is in the same space. I don't want to offend them. I almost never eat breakfast, nor lunch for that matter because of this. I only eat dinner because I am called down and we eat as a family. Which to be honest, is also difficult for me because there is very little talking, and it just feels awkward eating together. So, eating sucks for me.
I want to go down right now, but my step-grandma is cooking dinner right now. We probably won't eat for another three hours, but I just can't get myself to go down there when someone is cooking. Mind you, she sometimes starts cooking meals hours before we actually eat. As long as someone is in the kitchen or living room, it is an extraordinary challenge for me to go down there, no matter how hungry I get.
I believe I am not the only autistic with this issue. Travis Breeding mentioned a similar phenomenon in his memoir "I Want to Be Like You." But, in his case, he was afraid to go to the locker because he felt like he was intruding on other people's spaces. I feel the same way, but at home. I just can't go down there. Heck, I can't even watch TV because I fear that if someone else comes down to watch TV then I am intruding on whatever it is that they wanted to watch.
To be honest, I don't really feel at home at home. And, yes, those words are meant to repeat. Read the sentence again if you didn't understand. Like I said earlier, my dad got remarried, and I don't know, I guess I feel like it is her home. I don't know what to do. I've lived her for three years, and I don't know what is proper and what is not proper. It sucks that I don't want to intrude on people's space to the point that I end up starving myself. I want to eat. I am hungry. I love food, but man it is a challenge for me to find the courage or whatever it is to go down there and not feel like I am doing something wrong.
I know the issue lies in me, but I have no idea what it will take to overcome this. Perhaps, moving out on my own. Then, I will know the space is mine, and I will have no issue going to to the kitchen to get some food.