People With Autism Who Have Unrealistic Beliefs About the World
Monday, January 10, 2011 at 3:13PM 
I believed many things about the world and figured that everything would be exactly as I desired. I believed money grew on trees (not literally, but I thought money was free and endless). I believed that other people should do as I saw fit. I believed I was right and everyone else was wrong. I believed women should come up to me and tell me they had feelings for me. Heck, I even believed that it wasn't my duty to find a girlfriend and someone should look for her and introduce me to her. If you want something done do it yourself.
In the tenth grade, I believed that if I wanted to become the President of the United States, then I could so just as easily as snapping my fingers. According to my mom I was living in a fantasyland with unrealistic expectations of how the world worked.
Since then, I have found there are other parents who feel their child with autism is very much out of touch with reality. For instance, one parent told me that they have a child that believes they will just become a billionaire one day without doing any bit of work. This person apparently spends most of the day playing video games or doing what appears to be nothing. To my mom, there were many times where it appeared I was doing nothing, but to me, I was doing very important work. What that is, I no longer remember since that was a few years ago.
So, as a parent, what do you do if your child seems to have a belief about the world that seems impossible. What do you do if your child believe they will become President, become a billionaire, a top-billed actor, or whatever notion they have that you feel is crazy. Many parents tell me they have children with these fancy ideas, but they just don't see how their child can ever achieve the goals they have set for themselves. It seems impossible.
First, almost all of us with autism have social difficulties. So, if we are afraid to talk to people then how can we become the President or a great actor or whatever? The truth is that while I do believe that some of our ideas may sound crazy, I don't ever believe anything is 100% impossible. If you have a child that wants to become the President someday then perhaps you should encourage him or her. By doing so, you might help your child develop social skills and other life skills. Yes, your child may never get elected to office, but that doesn't mean your child won't grow from the experience. I know this personally from having run for City Council myself. Unfortunately, my parents laughed at my plans for someday running for President. I don't know why because one grows a great deal from going out of their comfort zone.
So, let's take the President example. One way you can encourage your child is by taking them to political rallies. Tell them to notice what the candidates do. Have your child take note of how the candidate is smiling and socializing with other people. Tell your child that if they want to run for office someday they will need to do the same. If the child really wants it, they will do whatever it takes to make that dream come real and to your surprise you will see your child putting himself or herself in the public spotlight.
Don't squash an idea because it sounds crazy. That idea that you just squashed may have been the answer to helping your child one day make friends and overcome many of the issues associated with autism.
But, what if your child feels like money grows on trees and feel as if that they will just become a billionaire? Then what? You just can't allow your child to sit on their butt all day doing nothing? My suggestion is to do some research on the richest people in the world. Some went to college. Some didn't. So, if you are trying to get your child to attend college, using making money as an excuse might not work. If your child is very smart, they will just quote that the economy isn't doing so well and college graduates are having as tough of a time as anyone else when it comes to finding work. Or, your child will tell you that college simply can't teach you how to become a billionaire. Which is most likely true because if it could, I am very certain many people would enroll in the "How to Become a Billionaire" course.
So, you do your research. You show it to your child and tell your child that every billionaire had to do some level of work. They either founded a company like Bill Gates or Mark Zuckerberg or somehow became a CEO for a leading company. So, perhaps you can encourage your child to create their own business and see how that goes. I don't know the best answer to tell you the truth. Perhaps, you can find out who their role models are and explain the work that they had to do to get where they are now and the work that they now do.
With that said, many of us on the autism spectrum might have what appears to be unrealistic beliefs and expectations for the world. But, the truth is that if our goals and beliefs are encouraged, while we may never attain these goals, we may end up growing and evolving as individuals. Our lives might be much better because of the encouragement. I believe that if we are not encouraged to do what we want, then we will just become stagnant. I believe having people tell us that we can't achieve our dreams might even be a contributing factor to social impairment later in life. I sure felt less like socializing when my mom told me she couldn't do anything.
My mom often told me to get a check on reality because she didn't want me to be disappointed when I ended up failing at my objectives, but in all do honesty, I felt like this was a mistake on her part. I feel like when she spoke those words she only stopped me from growing. Perhaps, I would have never achieved my goals to the fullest extent, but I would have achieved something and grew as an individual as result. Nonetheless, I am a very stubborn person. In the seventh grade I decided I was going to become a writer. That is one goal I have now achieved. I have to my satisfaction finished my first book and now I am looking to getting it published. I am grateful that I did not allow other people's beliefs about what I could and could not achieve stop from writing my book.
I encourage you to encourage your child. I thank you for reading today's blog and wish you a most awesome day of awesomeness. :)
Reader Comments (4)
I think every people at the age of 3 or 4, they believed things that are unrealistic in many ways, and we tend to think that's normal. But in a way, we grew slowly and remain as a child emotionally even till early adulthood (or life).
But sometimes I wonder if it's just because we are so obsessed with certain things, we DO understand something lie beneath that. And if you dig something deep enough, you will always find the absurdity in it. But in other people's minds, if they ever come across this, they may just laugh about it and giving it up. But with our minds' work, we HAVE to find the reasons behind that absurdity. (either superficially, or something magically) By doing so, people tend to think this is crazy or unrealistic.
This is part of the reasons why I choose a belief system, like Zen Buddhism, which is built on doubting everything, and see beyond the superficially meanings. Even doubting yourself, and proving yourself to be wrong. This helps me not to get too obsessed and fall deep into the rabbit hole.
Thank you for sharing your thoughts Leo.
As a mom of two kids (ages 7 and 8), I am excited to hear about their dreams. I am also excited to provide them with the information and encouragement to explore their options. However, I am also a realist who makes sure they are learning that they must work to get what they want. My kids get little "screen time". They have minimal T.V. exposure, little video game time, and computer time is limited to educational purposes. I expose them to other opportunities and encourage them to play, learn, and experience life. They love to read, so I make sure they get lots of books (libraries are great for this), they love to learn piano, so I got a keyboard and pay for lessons. They are little people with big potential. I want them to do whatever it is that makes them happy and feel fulfilled.
I have enjoyed watching some of your youtube videos and will start following your blog, now that I found it. I used to be a scientist and was employed to do pharmaceutical research. I'm now going back to school to be a social worker. I was never diagnosed with any autism spectrum disorder, but I grew up very shy, studious, and didn't care much to socialize. I have grown so much just by pursuing this new career. It has gotten me out of my comfort zone. This continued exposure to what once frightened me (socializing) is making me more comfortable.
I am very interested in learning more about autism. I did a presentation in grad school about PDD-NOS in children and will soon do another with my friend on Autism and Asperger's. I am trying to learn as much as I can.
Hi,
I find your website very interesting. I am sure that I am on the spectrum somewhere. I found mixing with other children extremely difficult when I was a child and social interaction as a whole is probably still the most difficult thing for me.
I can relate to your comments on wanting to become 'the president' or a famous actor and have had this kind of thought all through my life. I think sometimes that I want to become this so that I can make sure I am heard because I find myself totally misunderstood an awful lot of the time. I also realise that I misunderstand others a great deal too.
Maybe a part of autism is 'living in your own world'. I certainly know that the worst thing about it is feeling that you can't quite 'connect' with others and feeling incredibly alone - which is extremely difficult. At 39 years of age, I must confess I worry about the isolation and lack of social relationships I have and wonder how I will cope when I start slowly getting into old age with no family to look after me.
On a completely different point, I am interested to find out if others have often fallen into any kind of religious belief to make sense of their world - I know I have. For example, I say to myself often that the reason I am like this is because I have to 'learn' something spiritually so that I can develop as a human. I actually don't really think it helps overall as I think the best chance we have is science and finding out what the cure is for autism - I mean there are so many plants and substances on the planet - surely there must be something?